the waiting game

patience is a virtue. at least that's what everyone says. what does that even mean? a virtue is an admirable quality and patience is quiet, steady perseverance. so put those two together and you have something that is good apparently. But how does one do that? how does someone wait patiently? how is someone supposed to just sit there and WAIT?! Waiting has got to be one of the WORST experiences ever! because you are unsure of the outcome- you don't REALLY know what's going to come of your waiting- was it worth it or did you just waste your time waiting for something that never happened? Waiting is hard. People will think you're crazy. YOU will think you're crazy! Waiting, however, involves something a clear answer does not- risk. it's a risk to wait and be unsure of the future. It involves trust and faith and stepping out of your safe little comfort zone of "knowing" all the details. Yeah, i've been there. I know how it feels to wait around for something i know might never come, but to me it's worth it because of the potential outcome that can come from it. To me that makes it worth the risk. Yeah it sucks that i dont have all the answers, and it sucks doubting myself all the time, always second guessing if i'm actually doing the right thing or not. And who knows, maybe im not doing the right thing... maybe i am. I guess we'll see. Waiting involves relying on God because only He knows what's going to happen. Gosh that's humbling! I think right now God is re-teaching me this lesson of waiting because He knows that i suck at it. He also knows that i can grow so much from it. Waiting has given me a lot of time to think and focus on where i am with God and myself... where am i in my relationship with God? am i growing in my faith? how am i doing as far as where i'm putting my identity? is it in God and being a child of God or am i putting my identity and self-worth in other people? Honestly, it's been the latter.