"Wait" by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.


"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

Eternal Perspective

God has been laying this on my heart a LOT recently. And I think that's because God has been really jealous of my affections lately. I haven't been giving God the love that He deserves. For the last 6 months I have been in a really great relationship, but being in that relationship, God wasn't getting the focus and so for a time now God has just been drawing me back to Himself. God has to be number one. My identity must be found in Him alone. I have to remember that I am already made whole in the completeness of Christ's love. I am not a half waiting for the "One" to come and find me and to sweep me off my feet. I am already everything I need to be in Christ.


   "You are complete. You can share yourself with others and enjoy their company, but if they leave for whatever reason, you will be OK because you have always been everything you need."

   Duane Alan Hahn

God made man and woman to be "one flesh", but He took two whole and complete people. So 1+1=1 in this case. And if a couple who isn't married, just dating and broke up the equation would be 1-1=1. You are still completely whole not by the other person, but by God! We must not focus all of ourselves on another person, for if we do, we are making that person out to be an idol. And that does not show love to God and God wants our whole hearts and the best we can give Him. It's tricky though, especially when you are in a relationship, because you do have to split your attention on God and on the one you love. But the thing is to know that by loving the person you are with can be a way to show love to God. It's not making the person to be an idol or putting them on a pedestal, instead it's loving them in a way that glorifies God. God created us to be reational beings! He is a triune God, He is in relationship with Himself with God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit all in relationship with one another. And we are made in His likeness, so therefore we are relational beings. So when we have desires to be with others it is not a bad thing. But we must keep in in perspective! We cannot lose sight of the end. Everything is made to glorify God and in the end He is all that matters. It doesn't matter if we get married or not, it doesn't matter if we got good enough grades to get into grad school, it doesn't matter if our theology was perfect or not. Once we get to heaven all that's going to matter is how much we are just going to want to worship our Lord and King and do nothing else for eternity. 

my new best friend :)

I have a new best friend. well, they're kind of an old friend, but new in the sense that I really appreciate this person a lot and have grown to really enjoy their company and the time we spend together. I'm not going to mention her name, but if she ever reads this, i know that she will know that its her I'm talking about. She has been such a great friend to me and it's something i never expected. I think that's because our friendship got off to kind of a rocky, awkward start. But over the months and all of our coffee dates, girls time, and just hanging out that we have done, i have a new, amazing friend that i can be real with, share life with, open up and be honest with, cry with and laugh with. You see, she is more like a sister in Christ to me, someone who I can get into a really deep conversation with talking about my walk with God while watching the Bachelorette, something i can't do with most people. She is a good friend because she's not afraid to ask hard questions or something that might be a bit "too personal", and I'm not afraid to be honest with her because i know she won't be judgemental. She lifts me up and encourages me and i hope i do the same for her. She is a very sweet girl and in the time that I've known her i have seen her grow a lot in her walk with God, which is amazing to see. To see her faith & trust in God grow has been amazing to see. I don't think she knows how much i appreciate her & her friendship, but this is just kinda my way of showing it. She is a wonderful friend & sister in Christ that i know i will have for a long time :)

Reflection

Ok. It's been a while since I was last on here. And a LOT has been going on! First to start out I have the most amazing man in my life now, my boyfriend Cody. I simply adore this guy! He is so sweet to me and much more than anything I could ever imagine I ever wanted :) It was really cute how he asked me out too. It was outside in the middle of a freakin' blizzard! Seriously! This past winter we had to much snow and on February 21st class was cancelled and we had a snow day so he took me on a walk by the lake and asked me out. SUPER CUTE! He is so sweet to me. He spoils me rotten, but treats me like a princess. He told me that his goal each day is to make mine. He also told me that he can't measure up to Disney princes. He can't take me on magic carpet rides but he can give me picnics under the stars. Aww :) I'm so happy when I'm with him. I can see myself with him for a long time :) He's everything I never thought I wanted and everything I knew I did. He is smart, handsome, reliable, honest, kind, loving, sweet, thoughtful, honors God and his parents, is faithful and enjoys life, and a million other things that I just love about him. He's such a dork and I find that I can be completely myself around him and not have to constantly try to impress him! I love that he accepts me just as I am! We went to the zoo a few weeks ago and it was really fun seeing all the animals. If you haven't been to Como Zoo in a while- GO! The new polar bear exhibit is really cool! My favorite is always the Giraffes and Penguins though. Cody and I walked aroudn the zoo for a while and then went into the gift shop. SO FUN! They have these really fun and silly animal hats that we tried on being complete dorks of course. And well, you CAN'T go into the gift shop and not buy anything so naturally, being the good boyfriend that he is, Cody got me this-

This is Melman Gregory :) He is my giraffe

It's also crazy that school is almost done. This is finals week and I am in the process of packing up and finishing up my finals. It's crazy to think that next year is my Sr year of COLLEGE! Ah! I'm just like, "What the heck?! Where did time go?!" It feels like only yesterday I was anticipating going to college for the first time. It's time to be done though. I am ready for summer vacation and all the adventures I'm sure I will have. It's going to be fun, I just have to get through this packing up and moving back home bit and finishing my finals and saying good-bye to friends. That's always the hardest part- saying goodbye. But I will see a lot of them over the summer with weddings and everything. It's crazy to think that I have friends now that are getting married and moving into next stages of life with the love of their life. Super cute :) These next couple years are going to be crazy. Finishing up school, finding an internship for Youth Ministry, living life and figuring out life. I am so thankful that I have a God that is sovereign over all of my life. I just pray that in all this craziness that we call "everyday life" that I can focus on Him amidst this chaos and grow closer to Him and love Him more and more.

Dave Barnes - Balumtine'th Day

I wouldn't Mind

Merrily we fall out of line
Out of line
I'd fall anywhere with you
I'm by your side
Swinging in the rain
Humming melodies
We're not going anywhere until we freeze.
I'm not afraid anymore
I'm not afraid.
Forever is a long time.
But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side.
Carefully we'll place for our destiny
You came and you took this heart
And set it free.
Every word you write and sing is so warm to me.
So warm to me.
I'm torn, I'm torn
To be right where you are.
I'm not afraid anymore.
I'm not afraid.
Forever is a long time.
But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side.
Tell me everyday
I get to wake up to that smile.
I wouldn't mind it at all.
I wouldn't mind it at all.
You so know me.
Pinch me gently.
I can hardly breath.
Forever is a long, long time.
But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side.
Tell me
Everyday I get to wake up to that smile.
I wouldn't mind it at all.
I wouldn't mind it at all.

The Art of Letting Go

Let's face it. It is HARD to let things go! Especially when they are things that mean a lot to us. Whether they are good or bad for us. This semester I am in a Biblical Counseling class and for some of you reading that you might think that's an odd thing to be studying. I'm right with you there. It is quite odd. But the thing is, it is honestly blessing me so much and God is revealing Himself to me through the people in that class that it is unbelievable. This semester we are working through some of the addictions/idols we have in our life. Why we have them, why we do them, why we keep doing them and what makes us want to do them. And it's pretty interesting to see the things that people actually get addicted to. Sure, you have the standard "oh I am addicted to pop and TV and the "Internet" answers, but for some it goes much deeper than that. For some it's trying to please others and always putting your "best foot forward" so to say. And it's crazy how we live out our addictions. Why do people want to please others. Maybe it's because they want to feel loved and validated that they are wanted by that person, whether it be a romantic relationship or just a friend, but for whatever reason this person feels the need to please the other to make themselves feel loved. 
In this class we learned that we as humans have 3 basic human needs- we need to feel we belong (to something larger than ourselves), that we are a capable steward and that God can be trusted/ have that intimate connection with Him. When these are not met it leads into the 3 lies we tell ourselves which are that 1) God is not trustworthy, irrelevant, and doesn't care
2) You are all alone
3) You are not capable, don't have what it takes
 and these lies lead to the 3 negative emotions which are
1) Despair/hopelessness
2) Resentment --> revenge
3) Anxiety... (What ifs...)

So going back to addictions. Why do we do them? Take the people pleasing example. I think it stems from the fear of man. The fear that we will get rejected and we won't belong (lost met of basic soul need) and therefore we try to make ourselves as desirable as possible so people will want to be with us. and people pleasing can come in many forms. It may be that we never say a mean thing about anyone because we don't want to stir up conflict and risk losing friends from lack of unity or we become a sort of chameleon, changing who we are to fit it.

For me, I'll be honest and say that this is something that I've been wrestling with for a long time now. With one person in particular actually too. I had a really bad falling out with a friend and since then it's been hard to let go of that relationship because I got so emotionally attached to this person. I know it's not healthy by any means but I can't ever seem to let go because I'm afraid that if I do then that kind of relationship will never come my way again. I'm afraid God won't provide what is best for me, so I cling to something I think is best, even though at the same time I really know it's not. But it's hard to let go, so I find myself trying to immerse myself in whatever way I can into their life. So that takes the form of checking their Facebook on almost a daily thing. Checking it has almost become my Bible. And I realized the time I spend on Facebook I could be spending with God instead. So right now I'm at the point where I am actually doing what is good for me even though it sucks. And guess what- most of the time it does suck. We are constantly trying to seek pleasure and avoid pain. And we deceive ourselves into thinking that something doesn't hurt us when it really does. And in the long run holding onto this stuff will be more damaging than if I let it go now, move on and cling to God for all that I need.

Snowflakes

it is winter.
there has been a LOT of snow here in Minnesota this year. we even survived a blizzard a week before Christmas. And all this snow has made me think a lot about God. We all know that each individual snowflake is different. and with the amount of snow we have that is a LOT of snowflakes. like a LOT. I mean just look outside and think about it. think about how small each snowflake is. it's very tiny. then think about how many snow flakes it would take to make a snow ball and then how much it would take to cover the ground in over 2 feet of snow. that is one heck of a lot of snow flakes, and you know what? God created each one individually and uniquely just because He can. I mean, can we just take a minuet out of our day to just sit and think of how creative the God of the universe is? that He would be so creative to create all that beauty that no one will even see? Sure we see the snow's beauty as a whole, but each individual snow flake kind of gets lost in it all. This can be related to us too as people. We can easily get lost in the crowd and not really appreciate the craftsmanship God put into created each of us individually. But if we really take the time to appreciate these things we will find that they all point back to the same thing-
God and His glory.