Let's face it. It is HARD to let things go! Especially when they are things that mean a lot to us. Whether they are good or bad for us. This semester I am in a Biblical Counseling class and for some of you reading that you might think that's an odd thing to be studying. I'm right with you there. It is quite odd. But the thing is, it is honestly blessing me so much and God is revealing Himself to me through the people in that class that it is unbelievable. This semester we are working through some of the addictions/idols we have in our life. Why we have them, why we do them, why we keep doing them and what makes us want to do them. And it's pretty interesting to see the things that people actually get addicted to. Sure, you have the standard "oh I am addicted to pop and TV and the "Internet" answers, but for some it goes much deeper than that. For some it's trying to please others and always putting your "best foot forward" so to say. And it's crazy how we live out our addictions. Why do people want to please others. Maybe it's because they want to feel loved and validated that they are wanted by that person, whether it be a romantic relationship or just a friend, but for whatever reason this person feels the need to please the other to make themselves feel loved.
In this class we learned that we as humans have 3 basic human needs- we need to feel we belong (to something larger than ourselves), that we are a capable steward and that God can be trusted/ have that intimate connection with Him. When these are not met it leads into the 3 lies we tell ourselves which are that 1) God is not trustworthy, irrelevant, and doesn't care
2) You are all alone
3) You are not capable, don't have what it takes
and these lies lead to the 3 negative emotions which are
1) Despair/hopelessness
2) Resentment --> revenge
3) Anxiety... (What ifs...)
So going back to addictions. Why do we do them? Take the people pleasing example. I think it stems from the fear of man. The fear that we will get rejected and we won't belong (lost met of basic soul need) and therefore we try to make ourselves as desirable as possible so people will want to be with us. and people pleasing can come in many forms. It may be that we never say a mean thing about anyone because we don't want to stir up conflict and risk losing friends from lack of unity or we become a sort of chameleon, changing who we are to fit it.
For me, I'll be honest and say that this is something that I've been wrestling with for a long time now. With one person in particular actually too. I had a really bad falling out with a friend and since then it's been hard to let go of that relationship because I got so emotionally attached to this person. I know it's not healthy by any means but I can't ever seem to let go because I'm afraid that if I do then that kind of relationship will never come my way again. I'm afraid God won't provide what is best for me, so I cling to something I think is best, even though at the same time I really know it's not. But it's hard to let go, so I find myself trying to immerse myself in whatever way I can into their life. So that takes the form of checking their Facebook on almost a daily thing. Checking it has almost become my Bible. And I realized the time I spend on Facebook I could be spending with God instead. So right now I'm at the point where I am actually doing what is good for me even though it sucks. And guess what- most of the time it does suck. We are constantly trying to seek pleasure and avoid pain. And we deceive ourselves into thinking that something doesn't hurt us when it really does. And in the long run holding onto this stuff will be more damaging than if I let it go now, move on and cling to God for all that I need.
