Damaged Goods

Ok. Here goes nothing. This is me being vulnerable. This is my heart on my sleeve. This is everything. Most people are too afraid to bear their souls in such an open manner. And perhaps I’ll be ridiculed for it. What I have to say might upset people. It might make people question what’s going through my head. I don’t blame them. In fact I would probably agree with all of them. Opening your heart this publicly for so many to see is borderline crazy. But then crazy I am. I’d rather be crazy and be true to this feeling then to keep everything bundled up inside all nice and cozy, safe and unharmed. I think C.S. Lewis sums it up best with this;

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

I cannot go back to the past. As much as I would wish that, to be able to turn back the hands of time back to April two years ago and not do what happened, I’d give anything. To go back and tell myself what I know now, to spare myself this horrible heartache and regret and wondering of “what if”. But I can’t. What’s done is done. It did happen. I cannot ignore it or pretend that what happened between me and him was only a figment of our imaginations. We must look at it, learn from it and hopefully grow from it.  But growth is hard. And sometimes we break along the way. But just like a wildfire devastates a forest, the new growth that comes from it is unimaginable.  We cannot possibly expect to touch someone’s life and not have it affect us. Souls were made to bond with each other. And once they're bonded, it’s stuck. Any cutting off of relationships breaks the soul. It’s unnatural. That’s not to say that what has been broken can’t be mended, but once it’s mended there will always be scars. It’s like an expensive vase that’s been broken and glued back together. It looks the same, it functions the same, but it’s not how it was before. It’s cracked and marred, forever containing the scars of remembrance of being broken. The scars may not hurt as much over time, but every once in a while something comes along and knocks the vase off its pedestal again and new scars are made and mended.

If the vase was never broken, it could never know it could be fixed. But in that it also learns it must try everything to not be broken again and so it places itself higher and higher on the shelves in hopes of being safer. But the higher it goes the less people can admire its beauty, so then it must make the decision; either remain out of sight in fear of being broken or come down off the shelves into the light but become vulnerable in a spot that is much more easy for it to be knocked down again. But by coming down it’s also able to be loved again. But perhaps people won’t love it as much because they look on it and see how often it’s been broken by reckless people.

The scars on the vase don’t make it any less valuable, see. It’s still one of a kind, but the vase doesn’t know that. It looks at all the cracks and damage and deems itself worthless. And why shouldn’t it? That’s the value that the world places on damaged goods. But doesn’t the value come from the Maker?  How valuable of a thing to be made only once! If no one else, the Maker sees the value in damaged goods and the vase can take great joy to know that its Maker looks upon it, even though it’s broken and mended numerous times, and delights in it. The Maker does not say to the vase “You foolish thing! How dare you display yourself so recklessly and get broken!”  No. Instead the Maker gently takes up the broken pieces, glues them back together gently and loving and sets the vase back on display so all may look upon it, see its beauty and give thanks to the Maker for making something so precious and one of a kind. Someday, someone other than the Maker will realize the worth the vase has too.  It just has to be patient.  Sure someone might have seen its beauty before, but they weren’t ready to handle it, broke it and returned it. This discourages the vase because it loved the person that took it, but it was brought back, damaged and then replaced by another vase.  Not everyone who looks upon the vase is able to handle it, even if the vase thinks otherwise. The Maker knows who is good for the vase and will only let the best buyer take it. He will only give it to a person who is deemed worthy to be able to handle something so precious, valuable and fragile and to be able to handle it with gentle love. But until then, the pretty vase must delight in its Maker’s glory and know that it is loved and cherished.