"The world will know we are Christians by our LOVE for one another." -John 13:34-35
So it has come to my attention that perhaps my blogs are a tad bit too harsh on the male population. and perhaps that's the case. so here's the thing- i don't mean to be mean to guys. I'm just frustrated. mostly at myself and i project that frustration out onto the people who it seems easiest to blame and that would be boys. sure, it's easy to blame all my problems on boys being dumb or stupid or incompetent or what have you. But again, that would be the easy way out. I guess my biggest frustration is that I tend to care more for people than they care for me back (in my opinion). I'm not saying that's the actual case, but it's how I'm viewing it. So that leads me to believing that people are going to let me down every single time because they obviously don't live up to by standards. I feel like if i love and care about someone so much they should also love me back in the same way, in the same amount or more. So by believing that i love/care about people more than those around me and setting my standards to everyone around me, i am continually disappointed because no one meets them, because no one is me.
But loving people is something i do very well. but that's also one of my greatest downfalls. i love/ care about people too much sometimes. I have a hard time letting go. And maybe that's because I've gotten so used to people that i love and care about leaving me all the time, that i just expect it so i do everything i possibly can to make sure they don't want to leave. so i try to be the best friend i can, smothering them with love. love isn't a bad thing, but when it's done with selfish ambition that's where it starts getting me and a lot of other people into trouble.
When we are called to love one another it's not so that we might get loved in return. in fact a lot of the time we wont. and we're going to have to accept that. not everyone that we love will love us back (and I'm not just talking about romantic relationships here). It's hard to know where the lines are and where you should draw them. Something i have a hard time with is how to be "just friends" with some of my guy friends. It's hard when there's a lot of flirting and "cute" talk that goes on, but at the same time my heart is always hoping for the possibility that maybe I might be worth enough to someone for them to take that chance on me. (unhealthy habit, believe me i know).
Letting go of people you love is one of the hardest things we ever learn in life. it's hard because you dont want to let them go because you know how much you care about them and why would it ever be logical for you to let them go? well i've been doing a lot of thinking about that. there are just certain people that you just keep coming back to for reasons that you might not have any idea why. but for whatever reason they keep showing up in your life. but sometimes its not about how often they keep showing up but maybe its about learning when it's time to say goodbye. and it doesn't have to be for good, but it's cutting those ties that are only there keeping you connected, but it's frayed, so you're both detatched from each other.
For me this is especially hard. like i have been saying, i care about people a lot. maybe too much. so the thought of letting go of someone close to me literally breaks my heart. i can hardly bear the thought, even though i know that perhaps letting go is the best thing for the both of us.
